Tone Style Examples: Correct and Wrong Expressions in Business Letter Writing

WritingSkills.web.id - There are many factors to be considered in choosing certain language style in writing business letters. Those fac...

WritingSkills.web.id - There are many factors to be considered in choosing certain language style in writing business letters. Those factors are tone, outlook, "you approach", and organization. The correct use of style in sending the message by means of writing creates very positive effect to the readers. The same result happens when other factors are applied correctly.

The following is a business letter with two different versions. Take a look at both letters carefully.

Letter #1

Dear Mr. James: With reference to your order for a Sony camcorder, we are in receipt of your check and are returning the same. I beg to inform you that, as a manufacturer, our company sells camcorders to dealers only. In compliance with our wholesale agreement, we deem it best to refrain from direct business with private consumers. For your information, there are many retailers in your vicinity who carry Sony camcorders. Attached please find a list of said dealers. Hoping you understand. Yours truly, John

Letter #2

Dear Mr. James: We have received your order for a Sony camcorder but, unfortunately, must return your check. As a manufacturer, we sell only to dealers, with whom we have very explicit wholesale agreements. Nevertheless, we sincerely appreciate your interest in Sony products. We are therefore enclosing a list of retailers in your community who carry a full line of our camcorders. Anyone of them will be happy to serve you. Sincerely yours, John

Both letters above have the same topic but they have different tone. The first contains wrong expressions, while the second uses correct expressions.

Complex and Compound-Complex English in business writing is considered "enemy" in making a good business letters. Unneeded phrases and words will make intricate sentences, and thus, they make the message of the letter unclear. Therefore, avoid using unneeded phrases and words, so that your business letter will be more effective and efficient.

The following are two lists of expressions which are generally used in documents or business letters. 

The first list below contains expressions which should be avoid to be used in business letters, though it does not mean that they are not correct words or phrases.

The first list:

• according to our records
• acknowledge the receipt of
• as to, with reference to, with regard to, with respect to
• at hand, on hand
• attached please find, attached hereto, enclosed herewith, enclosed please find
• beg to inform, beg to tell
• duly
• for your information
• hereby, heretofore, herewith
• I have your letter
• I wish to thank, may I ask
• in due time, in due course of time
• in receipt of
• in the near future
• in view of
• our Mrs. Campbell
• permit me to say
• thank you again, thank you in advance
• thereon

There are two group of expressions in the second list below. Avoid using the expressions in the left column, and as their substitutions, use the expressions in the right column.

The second list:

Common Expressions to Substitute	Substituting Expressions
advise; inform	say; tell; let us know
along these lines; on the order of	like; similar to
as per	as; according to
at an early date; at your earliest convenience	soon; today; next week; a specific date
at this time; at the present time; at this writing	now; at present
check to cover	check for
deem	believe; consider
due to the fact that; because of the fact that	Because
favour; communication	letter; memo; et al.
for the purpose of	For
forward	Send
free of charge	Free
in accordance with	according to
in advance of; prior to	Before
in compliance with	as you requested
in re; re	regarding; concerning
in the amount of	For
in the event that	if; in case
kindly	Please
of recent date	Recent
party	person; (a specific name)
subsequent to	after; since
the writer; the undersigned	I / me
up to this writing	until now

Also read the theory of Tone Style in writing business letter: Style in Writing Business Letter: Tone.